Overcoming Imposter Syndrome
In the last several months I have been dealing with a horrible case of imposter syndrome. The definition of imposter syndrome is “the persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or been legitimately achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or skills”.
Last May, I was promoted into a leadership role at the healthcare organization I work for. The job of a Practice Manager is vastly different than being a floor nurse. I wanted this promotion more than I have ever wanted a job in my life. I was eager and fought hard through a taxing interview process, convincing all of the leaders interviewing me that I was the person for this job. They believed me! I got the job! I was so proud of myself and ecstatic. I stepped into the role with a healthy amount of nerves and an eagerness to learn. Somewhere along the way though, insecurity and self doubt took over. I sat in my office some days truly questioning if I was made for this. It wasn’t that I felt like the job was hard; I hadn’t given it a fair chance to even know. It was that I felt like I didn’t deserve it. I felt like I had somehow tricked the people that interviewed me into believing that I was made for this when in reality, I didn’t feel made for it at all. I had all the belief in the world through the interview process but once I accepted the job, the belief was replaced with fear and lies. Instead, I started to believe I was a fraud; that I didn’t work hard to get here. I had somehow bamboozled all of these leaders into thinking that I could be one of them. I struggled with inner dialogue in my head. Did my team view me as a manager? Do I even deserve to be their manager? I felt so tied to my previous role as a floor nurse that I was so confident in that I truly don’t think I knew how to healthily leave it behind and step into the unknown. Going from having a daily task list at work that was heavily tied to time constraints, to the role of a manager where you kind of lead your own tasks was such a challenge for me. I had never had a job where I didn’t have a list of tasks I needed to accomplish. It was so mind boggling to me to come in as a manager and not know exactly what needed to be done hour by hour.
Despite my boss’s constant encouragement to take ownership of my clinic and make it better, I remained stagnant—living up to the failure I believed I was. She didn’t say this but it’s how I felt and ultimately what I was doing. I know that sounds harsh, but have you ever been there? Not necessarily in this exact situation, but have you ever found yourself believing something about yourself so deeply that you started to embody it? I’ve seen it time and time again with others and even myself over the years. People often adopt labels given to them by others—or worse, the ones they give themselves—and, inevitably, they become those very things.
Take Sally, for example. She’s been told she’s lazy her whole life. She might not actually be lazy, but because she believes it about herself, she starts living up to that expectation. “I’m lazy.” It becomes her identity. For some, it’s a more positive self-perception. Take Lucy—she believes she’s hardworking, and as a result, she works hard and succeeds. It’s a phenomenon, really. We tend to live up to the expectations we set for ourselves. Although I did have high expectations for myself during the interview process, once given the job I let self-doubt take control. I convinced myself I didn’t belong in this role, and the longer I stayed stuck in that mindset, the more I fulfilled those negative thoughts. Thankfully, my boss saw right through what I was going through. After a long talk with her, I was encouraged and empowered to pull up my boot straps, quit wallowing in self doubt, and do the dang thing. We all need that person in our life. The one who will tell us like it is, call us on our crap, but also has a healthy amount of grace and understanding. I’m lucky to have that kind of accountability in my life.
Since then, I’ve been reading leadership books and taking active steps to fight back against imposter syndrome. I’ve started combating negative self-talk with positive affirmations: “I can do this. I fought hard to get here, and they chose me because they believe in me. I am smart, capable, educated, and well-trained. I can confidently use my skills to lead. Don’t we all need to do that sometimes? Combat the lies in our head with verbal truths? It has helped me so much to interrupt my negative thoughts with positive statements and shockingly enough, I’ve started to believe them.
Truly I’m just here to say, if you’re struggle with insecurity, self doubt, self pity, and imposter syndrome; you aren’t alone. Find the friend that’s willing to be honest with you, interrupt your negative thoughts with positive ones, and shake it off sister. You were made for this. You can do this. Believe in yourself. We were all told as kids “You can do anything you set your mind to!” And somehow as a kid, we believed it. As adults, we are worn down with life experiences, pain, heartache, and insecurity that we likely didn’t have as strongly as a kid. Well, find that inner kid again and believe in yourself. You CAN do it and you will, if you just believe.
